{that time I got acupuncture, part one}

If you haven't heard, Andrew are in the process of adopting. It's a long, long process- one that you should be totally invested in. One thing they tell you is to make sure all of your eggs are in one basket. Don't be riding the fertility treatment train if you're also planning on making stops at adoption town (great analogy, right? ha!). You get what I mean, right?

The hubs and I talked about this the day we got home from the adoption orientation. Were we really fully invested? Yes, we think we are. Is there anything besides InVitro that we haven't tried yet? No, we've tried it all...meds (holistic and traditional), shots, pills, massage, reflexology, IUI, etc. I was checking my email as we discussed this and when a city deal appeared in my inbox, I suddenly remembered one thing we hadn't tried. Acupuncture. The thought of multiple needles sticking in me made me a little apprehensive, but I thought, "Hey, at least I can say I tried it, right?" One last effort, and by golly if the city deal wasn't just for that!

I immediately bought the deal. Half off your consultation and treatment. I called and made my appointment for the following Monday.

I went during my lunch hour and had told my co-workers about the appointment. The ones who had previously had acupuncture told me about their experiences. They said it helped them heal (mainly with pain) and was totally relaxing. Others who hadn't had it done had the same worries I did.

I arrived at a little office in Cottonwood. The doctor was a nice, young guy who just recently opened his practice. I told him about my fertilitiy issues, PCOS, and what I've tried so far. He told me how acupuncture worked (increased blood flow, etc) and that he'd only be placing the needles below the elbow and below the knees (which was a relief, as I didn't want to get nakie). The room was a relaxing shade of sage green, softly lit with a paper lantern. The shades were turned to block the light and someone had sewn a canopy that filtered the florescent lights out of black, green, and tan printed fabric that I recognized from Ikea. It was nice and relaxing and I wondered if it was harmonious with feng shui design. All it needed was a little fountain of some sorts.

I laid down on the padded massage table and before I knew it, I had a dozen or so needles in me in various spots on my arms and legs that corresponded with my reproductive areas. I half expected to feel a poke or a pinch in my womb area when the needles were inserted, but I was surprised that it didn't hurt at all, and once they were in, I couldn't even feel them. He dimmed the lights, shut the door and left me to meditate. The relaxing music of chinese violins and flutes lulled me into a deep state of relaxation and I tried to invision myself pregnant. You know the power of positive thinking? All the "if you wish it, it will come" type of thinking? That's what I was trying to do. About half way through my meditation, I began to hear the sound of children. First it was quiet and then began to increase. Not giggling, sweet voiced children, but screaming and yelling children. "What the heck?" I thought. I thought maybe I had taken my power of positive thinking too far and was having some weird hallucinations about kids until I realized the office window was about 15 yards from a school and the kids were out for recess. I tried to ignore then and then thought I'd try to incorporate the sounds of the kids into my positive thinking (yay kids! I love kids! even screaming kids at recess!), but really, all I wanted to hear was the chinese flute as I invisioned a fetus growing inside of me. Not kids yelling, fighting over a game of dodge ball. 

When it was over, the doctor came back into the room, removed the needles (again painless) and I left feeling rejuvenated, relaxed, and anxious for my next treatment....

{adoption orientation}

A few weeks ago, the hubs and I attended an hour long adoption orientation at our adoption agency. We decided to go through an agency founded by our church, and our local office is conveniently located right across the street from us.

Naturally, I was a little apprehensive and nervous. I had no idea what to expect and tried not to have any expectations at all (which if you know me, is impossible).

We arrived 15 minutes before the orientation was to begin, and the minute we walked in I evaluated my surroundings. As Andrew checked us in, I found a seat near the front of the office on a floral tapestry sofa, circa 1995. The teal velvet club chairs and scroll woodworking on the coffee tables reminded me of the lobby in my church growing up. It may have been the extra large, silk floral arrangement in the center of the table that threw me over the edge, or maybe it was the fact that it was so silent, you could hear a mouse fart, but suddenly, I was overwhelmed with feeling like I was about to confess my sins to my old bishop. Not a pleasant feeling.

I squirmed in my seat and was distracted from my thoughts by the front door opening. More couples were filtering in, giving their names, and sitting in seats around the lobby. I wanted to badly to get up, introduce myself, and make friends with the new couples in the room. After all, we already knew we had one thing in common- infertility- but the deadening silence and awkward glaces we exchanged increased the intimidation I was feeling, so I stayed in my seat.

Finally, we were called back to the conference room where we were seated around a ginormous conference table. I half expected Donald Trump to enter the room and chose which one of us would receive babies and who would be fired. I looked around at the other couples and suddenly, I felt as if I really was in the beginning stages of some reality show where the winner was awarded a baby. I couldn't help but think of the other couples as my competition and started sizing them up. Who would get picked first? Did they have an advantage? My thoughts were interrupted when a sweet faced, fashionably dressed woman came in and introduced herself. She introduced herself and gave a brief introduction of the orientation and then asked each of us to introduce ourselves. We were first. Andrew looked at me, giving me a half nod while raising his eyebrows to let me know I needed to take the reigns on this one.  I decided to keep things short and sweet.

I started things out cheerfully- probably a little too cheerful to mask my nervousness. "Hi! We're the Crawfords- we're here because we haven't been able to get pregnant (obviously) and we're anxious to learn more!"

I wasn't really sure if that was the kind of introduction they were looking for, but I must have opened a gate of some sorts, because after us, each introduction became a little more personal and indepth. The couple next to us told about how they've been trying for three years. The next talked about the son they've already adopted and they're hoping to adopt again. Some people gave details about their infertility, including diagnoses, etc.

As the introductions continued, my feelings of competition faded. We were all there for the same purpose and it really didn't matter who got what first. We all just wanted to be parents, more than anything.

The orientation really opened my eyes to adoption. Questions were answered and and more questions were brought to mind. There is a lot to decide and even more to take in. While I wish I could say I felt totally at ease with the process, I'll be honest and say that I felt like the orientation is kind of a "weeding out process" (which, come to find out, is what other adoptive couples have said too). Adoption is not for the weary hearted. It's going to be a long, hard, emotionally draining and filling process, but one that is so worth it with a priceless reward.

We feel ready and we're diving in head first.

we're taking the plunge!

So, we start the process on Friday. Once we're approved, it's a waiting game from that point...but we're so excited and this feels so right!

If you've gone through the adoption process, shoot me an email & tell me about it!

Thanks for all your love and support! xoxo