{ two wolves }

I love this. 

Partially because I've got a little Cherokee in me, but mostly because it's a battle I fight.

Every. Day.

I don't know when I started becoming so pesimistic. So envious. So angry. Being the type A personality that I am, I tend to dwell on and get really passionate about things. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but it is when you dwell on the negative and can't let it go. I'd take things personally. I was insecure. I'd become so envious that it would lead to disliking people. People who never did anything to me. I'd resent their achievements. It was awful.

Over time, the evil wolf inside me became the alpha male. I let it take over and it showed. I'd call my friends to complain about something and I'd go on and on and they'd be like "Well...try to see the silver lining or the bright side!" and I'd be like "WHAT?! Take my side! Tell me I'm right! DAMN IT!" and they'd be like "Peace out, sista..."

Then one day it dawned on me. It was like stepping outside of myself and watching me with a new set of eyes. I didn't want to be that person. I didn't even know that person. 

It's taken me awhile to get back to a good, happy place. It's a true, concerted effort that I have to give each day. I hope someday I won't have to try so hard. That I'll get to the point where I feel love for everyone and give the benefit of the doubt more often. I'm trying to nurse the good wolf back with acts of kindness, compliments, service, appreciation, and compassion. Truly trying to live a Christ like life.

Still, there are times the alpha male growls inside me and I have to suppress it. I know it won't go away at once...or that it will ever totally disappear, but I'm happier when I feel joy, peace, and kindness. 

I'm feeding the good wolf.