{ Baker's birth story }

I started writing this when I was in the hospital and like all of you know, when you get home life takes over and I put this on the back burner.

I really should have finished writing this while everything was fresh in my mind, so while Baker is napping and before too much times passes, I wanted to write about the week leading up to his birth & what happened when the day finally came.

The last few weeks of my pregnancy had been rough, with my feet, ankles, legs, & hands swelling up like crazy & my blood pressure rising. I went in for my regular weekly appointment on February 7th, and while we were there, the doctor asked us if anyone had talked to us about when we'd deliver (I see a team of doctors instead of just one). Andrew and I looked at each other like "Um, no...." and we told the doctor we were just planning on delivering when I went into labor. My doctor then told me that due to my high blood pressure and the levels of protein in my urine, I was heading towards pre-eclampsia. He thought I should deliver on the 15th. 

All I could think was "WHAT?!" I immediately called my mom, excited but also anxious. Delivering on the 15th meant that my baby would be 2 weeks early. Was he ready? Was I ready? I trusted my doctors though and headed over to labor and delivery for a quick non stress test. Since baby was fine, they sent me home with 2 big ol' empty jugs, 2 toilet "hats", and told me I had to track my urine for the next 24 hours. Because capturing and keeping each drop of urine ice cold isn't really conducive with work (would you want a jug of pee sitting in ice on your desk?!) I called my boss and let her know I wouldn't be in the next day. I also told her that because of the swelling and high blood pressure, my doctors wanted me to stay off my feet and basically said I shouldn't return to work until further notice (darn it, right?)

So I went home, began the urine test (which really wasn't as hard as I thought it would be) and relaxed as much as I could. Hearing that my baby would be coming sooner than later, all I could think about were all the things I had left to do. I still hadn't gotten around to doing the binding on his quilt for his room, my house was a mess (I totally wanted to deep clean before he came), I didn't have a diaper bag, my bags weren't packed, etc etc. Looking back now, they weren't really big deal things- I mean, it's not like I didn't have  car seat or a place for him to sleep, but still, I hate feeling unprepared. On top of that, Andrew took a last minute trip to Dallas for work. We knew the baby wasn't coming before Friday and I figured I'd be fine while he was gone. He left on Saturday and was supposed to come on Thursday night. One day before I was to deliver. (I know, I know...what were we thinking!?)

You've heard the term, when it rains it pours, right? Well on Monday, I had another appointment with my doctor to verify that things were still okay and that Friday was still the date. Right as I was leaving for my appointment, I heard water running in my living room. Not a good sign. I opened up the utility closet and saw that my water heater was leaking like crazy- the overflow pipe was gushing water and while it was draining into the overflow like it's supposed to, the overflow was leaking & water was getting everywhere. I quickly called my dad and asked if that was normal. He said it wasn't (duh Shan) and offered to call plumbers. Then I called Andrew in a panic as I headed to my appointment. I told him I thought it would be okay while I was gone (the water wasn't leaking into our living room floor yet but it wasn't looking good). I quickly went to my appointment, verified that I was still going to have a baby on Friday, but they wanted to do one more non-stress test that day. Overwhelmed, I called my mom and started crying, "My water heater is broken and I have to go to the hospital for a NST! I need someone! Andrew is in Texas!" My poor mom interpreted that as "my water broke and I'm going to the hospital" and told me she'd head down right then. I called Andrew crying and told him I couldn't handle what was going on and he needed to get on the next flight home. While he worked on that, he called his dad who came down to help me fix my water heater. My mom, dad, & father in law showed up at the same time, and what could have been an expensive fix ended up being pretty minor. My mom took me to the hospital for my NST while the dad's fixed the water heater. The NST showed everything was fine - phew - and Andrew was heading home the next morning. (Really, what was I thinking letting him go on a business trip the week I was supposed to give birth? Live and learn, right?!)

When friends and family caught word that the baby was coming sooner than later, they asked if I needed anything. Normally, I would tell them I was fine, but this time I actually took them up on their offers! I asked my sister in laws to help me clean my house and they were more than willing! It was so nice to know that I'd have a nice, clean, organized house to come home to after I got home from the hospital. There was also so much I hadn't gotten done yet. Minor things, but still - like sewing my quilt, boppy cover, car seat cover, putting up drapes in Baker's nursery, etc. Like I said, small things, but I still felt unprepared.

The night before Baker arrived was bittersweet. I feel silly, but honestly, thinking back to that night, I still get a little teary. Andrew helped me pack my bag for the hospital, and as we crawled into bed I started crying. I thought about how it was the last time my little guy was going to be in my stomach. There's something so intimate about feeling your baby move inside you. I was excited to hold him in my arms, but after spending so much time - just he and I - I was emotional. Then I started thinking about how long it had been just Andrew and I. When I explained why I was crying, Andrew cried with me. They were happy, thankful tears - we had been hoping and praying for this for years and knowing we'd finally meet our little guy the next day was so sweet. We had our last family prayer with just the two of us and thanked the Lord for blessing our lives and then went to bed. I hardly slept that night, anxious about what was to come.

The Big Day...
We were scheduled to be at the hospital at 6:30am. I woke up at 5:00, got ready, & headed over to the hospital with everything we'd need. I figured if I got there at 6:30, we'd probably have a baby by 3:00pm at the latest...boy was I wrong!
Shortly after we arrived, they started the pitocin and broke my water at 7:30. I hadn't gotten my epidural yet, because I wanted to experience labor pains (call me crazy) and the sensation from having my water break was unlike anything I've ever experienced. Pretty much like peeing your pants but the water literally gushed out and just kept coming. I was amazed at how much fluid there was (TMI? Get used to it...)! Any time I'd adjust myself or laugh, more would come out, which would make me laugh more.

Around 10:30, I was starting to feel some contractions. Nothing major- just small cramping. It felt like menstrual cramps and I still didn't feel like I wanted the epidural yet. It wasn't until the nurses came in to hook me up to the internal monitors that I realized pain killers would be nice. (Since baby boy kept moving around, the external monitors weren't tracking his heart rate like they should.) They attempted to insert them and ohmuhgosh...I about died. I thought being "checked" for dilation hurt...oh no. This was excruciating. They got the wire in that monitored my contractions, but they couldn't connect the other wire to baby's head in the right spot. After trying for what seemed like forever (it was actually only a few minutes), they gave up and would try again in a bit.
When they left, I broke down, started crying and told Andrew I was ready for the epidural. I felt like it took the anesthesiologist forever to get there and even the epidural hurt. He was having trouble getting the catheter in the right spot in my spine and feeling him feel around hurt. Ouch. Finally, they got it in and within a few minutes, I was way more comfortable. It wasn't long after that when the nurses tried the internal monitors again and got them connected to the baby.

Every hour or so, the nurse would come in and check to see how far I'd progressed. Things were moving very slowly, but baby was doing fine, so they upped the pitocin just a bit to help me progress faster. At 3:00 I was finally dilated to a 5 and they said usually it's pretty fast from there & normally you progress about a centimeter each hour. We should have a baby here by 9:00, I thought! Sadly, that didn't happen.

Around 5:00 I started feeling the contractions pretty bad. I pressed the button for the epirdural a few times for another dose of medicine, but the pain wasn't subsiding. Finally, we called the nurse in. My epidural had run out and the alarm on the bag that warns you when the medicine is getting low didn't go off. At that point, I could feel everything and I was having some pretty intense contractions. My mom coached me through them, while I tried breathing through them and cried. To ya'll who do this naturally, kuddos to you! I think I could have managed the pain better, had I not had the pitocin and had I been prepared for it, but in the moment, it was awful. The anesthesiologist came back in, fixed me back up, and all was well.

Finally, at 10:30 at night, my doctor came in to talk to me. He explained that even though baby was doing well, I was still at a 5 and even felt like I was starting to swell up. He said I was more like a 4 1/2. It was time for us to start talking about a c-section.

A lump immediately formed in my throat and I did my best to not start bawling until after he left the room. Then I broke down. A c-section was not part of my plan at all. I was exhausted and terrified. The doctor suggested we talk it over and have him come back in an hour to check again. My dad was there and he and Andrew gave me a blessing. I immediately felt comforted and knew that while this wasn't in my plan, things would be okay, and the c-section was the route we needed to take to get him there safely.

The doctor came back in, checked me (I was a 4 by then- definitely swelling) and they prepared me for the c-section. The rest is a bit blurry. I was honestly so tired and keeping my eyes open felt like torture. I remember them wheeling me back to the operating room and a new anesthesiologist (who was so amazing and so so sweet) talked to me about what they were going to do. He stayed with me the whole time and assured me that everything was going to be okay. I'm so grateful for his help and assurance during that time! Andrew was the only one allowed in the room as far as family went and I made sure he took lots of pictures. He was also a great support and kept telling me I was doing great.

When they got me on the operating table, they put the screen up and started the procedure. I couldn't really feel them cutting me but I could feel the pressure. And after laboring for 18 hours, I thought it hurt like hell. After about 5 minutes, I felt some movement and then heard the most amazing sound I will ever hear - my baby's first cry! He was not a happy boy, going from a cozy, warm environment to a bright, cold room! They told us he was a boy (which we knew, but it was still a nice confirmation!) and I saw them carry him over to the table to get cleaned up and I couldn't stop crying or laughing. I was so happy! I just wish I could have held him in my arms right after he was born. But I was grateful he was okay and healthy.

 Because he was posterior & situated funny inside me, he had such a little cone head from the pressure on my cervix! Poor baby! He was 9 pounds & 21 inches long - 2 weeks early! Can you imagine if I'd gone to 40 weeks!?

 Once he was wrapped up, the nurse brought him to me. I couldn't believe how beautiful and big he was! I kissed him and just stared in awe at this little one that Andrew and I created. It was amazing.

 While they stitched me back up, Andrew took him back into the labor and delivery room to introduce him to the rest of our family. When they wheeled me back in, we announced his name to everyone. I tried to breast feed that night, but I was so tired and couldn't stay awake. I had them take him to the nursery for the night so I could sleep. At this point it was about 1:30am. 

 Andrew was amazing through the whole ordeal. So supportive and loving. It was love at first sight for both of us! All in all, things definitely didn't go as I planned or hoped, but I'm so grateful for all the support we received for good doctors! Mostly I'm grateful for our healthy, beautiful baby boy.

Aren't my guys handsome?

{ pregnancy diary: week 35, 36, 37ish }

Oh who am I kidding- this poor blog has been neglected and I've done a terrible job writing about my pregnancy. 

Truth be told, I feel like I've had it rough! I've been sick non stop since September, due mainly to the awful sick season we've had (colds, flu, strep, etc) and the dang inversion (remember when our air quality was one of the worst in the world?!). I had a bad gallbladder attack and spend a little time in labor and delivery for that! Then there was the time I totally biffed it and landed on my 35 week pregnant belly (picture someone dropping, arms out front, to slide down a slip n slide, except instead of a slip n slide, it was concrete and the water was frozen ice). I also spend a little time in L&D for that fun flop. And finally, I've swelled up like a summer sausage. At first I thought it was just pregnancy swelling, but after my feet, ankles, and legs kept getting bigger and bigger, and my blood pressure started getting higher and higher, we realized I had a little pre-eclampsia. More time in L&D and a few tests later, my doctor has decided to induce me this Friday. I'll be 38 weeks exactly and little guy is measuring big, so I'm sure we'll be fine. 

Really though, for all that I've been through, I wouldn't change a thing. I still can't believe that I'm pregnant. 

I can't believe that in 4 short days, I'll be holding this tiny human that's been growing in my belly. I will finally see the face that me and Andrew created. 

I'm going to be a mom! 

Any last bits of advice?

{ numb hands }

I stayed home from work today to go to the doctor and catch up on the 6 hours of sleep I missed out on last night. 

Nothing is terribly wrong, but I wanted to get it checked out, just in case. 

It started a few weeks ago, when my hands (particularly my right hand) started going numb at night. Not just a little tingly numb, but a throbbing, painful numbness that wakes me up every hour and no matter what position I'm in, won't go away. 

Last night was by far the worst. I've started sleeping with two pillows under my head and a body pillow. I thought I found a position (which was totally uncomfortable) that would keep my hand from falling asleep, but alas, it did not work. 

I work up about 30 minute after going to sleep with a throbbing hand. Each time, I'd have to get up, walk around and shake my arm to get it to feel somewhat normal, although it still felt slightly tingly.

This happened every hour. I'd get about 20 minutes of sleep and wake up.

Finally, I used all the pillows we have (except for the one Andrew was sleeping on) and tried to prop myself up to sleep. That was at 5:00.

By the time the sun rose, I was so tired and my hand hurt so bad, I wanted to bawl. I text my boss and let her know what was going on. 

I'm 24 weeks and the doctor said that while it was a tad bit early to swell up, I wasn't really that swollen. He said he thought it was pregnancy induced carpel tunnel. He recommended a brace and told me to sleep in a recliner (which we don't own). 

So, here I am, propped up in bed with a dozen pillows, trying to type with this brace on my wrist. 

I'm praying this works! Have any other mamma out there experienced this? What did you do? If you tell me to just suffer through it, I'll punch you in the kidneys.

{pregnancy diary: week 21}

 

• That's right! We're having a boy!!! Andrew and I were both thinking it's a girl and we were pleasantly surprised. We went in last Friday for the ultrasound and all of the sudden, I saw a glimpse of something on the screen and said, "Is that what I think it is?" Sure enough it was! Our little guy was a little camera shy and kept moving his hands down there to hide, so it was a little tough to tell at first, but he's all boy!
• With that said, I can't wait to start on the nursery! Finally! Have I decided on a color scheme? No, but at least I know where to start!
• I'm still emotional as ever and feeling like a crazy lady at times. My sweet friends who've gone through this are quick to reassure me that I'm not the only one who's felt this way and it's normal. 
• We bought a body pillow last week. I have no idea why I waited so long - it's glorious to sleep with and I'm so much more comfortable!
• My new cravings are cheese (havarti, gouda, gruyere, sharp cheddar, & brie are my current favs) and pickled asparagus spears. I was wandering around Costco and found two huge jars of pickled asparagus for $8. Needless to say, I was in heaven and ate one jar in less than a week. Yum! I still love milk too but the potato craving has started to subside. 
• I'm really starting to show & feel this little guy moving around more and more. Andrew still hasn't been able to feel him- hopefully soon!
• Everyone keeps asking if we've thought of names- of course we have! However, we're keeping our pick on the down low until it's set in stone (aka written on the birth certificate). I'm hoping people will be respectful and if they don't like it to keep opinions to themselves! ;)
• I've already started nesting and I'm trying to de-clutter and organize before it's too late! 
• I can't wait to meet this little guy! Seeing him and feeling him move has made this all the more realistic- I can't believe this is really happening!

{ pregnancy diary: week 18 }

• I love my immune system! (I say that while rolling my eyes) The weekend before I was to leave for New York, I got really, really sick. It started with this crazy bad headache that would not go away, no matter how much Tylenol I took (which don't worry, it wasn't too much). The headache turned into body aches, a sore throat, and after a visit to instacare, I learned I had the flu and there was nothing I could do about it. Mahvelous, right? Throwing up in the instacare parking lot was the icing on the cake and I spent the next few days in bed. Thankfully, I was better by the time I left for New York! Sadly, when I got back to Salt Lake City on Saturday evening, I got a bad head cold. I think it was the climate change, but thankfully, my nurse gave me a list of meds that were ok to take!
• Speaking of colds, with all the congestion, I tried the NetiPot for the first time last week (since I knew saline was ok with the pregnancy). It was...interesting. It reminded me of swimming as a kid and getting water in my nose. The results? It felt awesome afterwords! I'm now a fan of the NetiPot!
• Crazy emotions are still there. Now when I feel them coming on, I've learned to not let it get to me and try to relax.
• Baby kicks/moves the most when it goes from being really loud to quiet. Almost as if it's saying, "Hey, what happened to all the action I was hearing?" It happened as I drove home from my moms house after watching the BYU vs. Utah football game. To say the least, it was very loud at the house during the game, and driving home in the quiet car, the baby was going nuts! Same thing when we were walking around Time Square- when we sat down inside a quiet restaurant, the baby was moving like crazy! I love those feelings!
• I'm starting to crave more salty/vinegary stuff like pickles (had the best pickles at Carnegie Deli!) and salt and vinegar kettle chips. Mmm...
• We find out what we're having on the 19th of this month! I'm so excited and don't have a preference, although the hubs swears it's going to be a girl...we'll see! I'm trying to think of cute, creative ways to announce to our family and friends what we're having. Any ideas you have would be great!

{ hormones anyone? }

When I was 12, I babysat for the family that lived right next door to me. They were a cute family with even cuter kids. The mom (who was and still is incredibly adorable) was pregnant with baby #3. I remember one day, after a few hours of babysitting that afternoon, the mom came home and stopped suddenly in the kitchen. I approached, ready to say hi and tell her how it went with the kids, when I noticed this strange look on her face. She must have seen the questioning look on my face, and she immediately broke into tears. Shaking her head and trying to wipe away tears she said, "Oh, I'm so sorry! I just heard about this accident on the radio and I couldn't stop thinking about it and thought, 'What if that was my family?' and I just can't stop crying!" and she sobbed and sobbed.

"Oh...okay..." was all my 12 year old self could respond with. She quickly paid me and I went home, thinking that was a little weird, and then never thinking about that day again until I became pregnant myself and started dealing with extreme emotions.

And oh. my. gosh. Are they extreme or what... Proof...

I was driving back to work from my lunch break yesterday, feelin' all mellow and relaxed from the nap I had at my mom's house, and Jay-Z's "Empire State of Mind" comes on. You know the song..."In New York! Concrete jungle where dreams are made of, there's nothin' you can't do, now you're in New York!" 

And I get all pumped because I'm actually going to be in New York next week for the first time ever, so I turn it up and start to jam and suddenly, out of nowhere, I start bawling. Like, hard core, gasping crying, but I'm still singing with the song as I cry, "...these streets will make you feel brand new, big lights will inspire you..." and I'm sobbing and thinking as I sing, "Yes, those streets will make me feel brand new, and I will be inspired by those big lights!" and I just cry with the radio blaring and my fist pumping the air, and before I get out of the car, I have to make myself stop crying so I can walk back into the office.

And then it was over, just like that.

Then today, I wake up and my husband calls me early (he's in San Fransisco for work) and he's telling me about driving out there and how he couldn't park the truck anywhere and it took way longer than he expected and there was a mix-up with the hotel and he didn't get to bed till 2:00am and then they got up at 5:30 and he's soo tired from only getting a few hours of sleep. So we talk for awhile, and then I have to go because I'm getting ready for work.

So later in the afternoon, I decide to call him because I know he's got a long day ahead of him, and I want to make sure he's ok since he's running off 3 hours of sleep  and 5 hour energy drinks. His phone rings and rings, but he doesn't answer, so I leave a message that went something like, "Oh hey honey - just calling to see how your day is! Hope you're not too tired. Love you, bye!"

Then a few hours goes by and I don't hear from him, so I text him and leave another message, "Uh, hi hon- you're probably busy, but I wanted to make sure you were ok, so call me when you get this. Love ya!" (which wasn't as chipper as the first) This is followed by a few texts and one more call (which was not chipper at all).

Finally, it's the and of the work day and I begin to worry. He hasn't returned any of my calls, texts, or emails (which, I only emailed him once and text about 5 times...does that lessen my craziness?) When he doesn't answer my email, I really start to worry because he always answers emails. I begin to think of every scenario that could go wrong and wonder if he fell asleep and drove off the Golden Gate Bridge and when I get home I'll see some story on the news about a truck that drove over the side of the bridge.

I'm panicking hard core now and my weepy, worry panic is progressing into something more. I find the number for my cousin's wife who works with my husband and knows his bosses phone number, and I text her to see if she'll have his boss (who he's with) tell him to call me. FINALLY my phone rings and I hear Andrew's ring tone and my worry panic/rage immediately turns into rage rage, and even though I'm glad he's not dead, I want to kill him for not calling or answering his damn phone.

He's really apologetic and I yell, "YOU JUST ABOUT GAVE A PREGNANT LADY A HEART ATTACK!!!" and hang up. (Mature, right?) He texts me and explains that his phone died and he plugged it into the car charger and left it in the truck. I fume for a few more minutes and eventually I get over my anger and know it was an honest mistake. I text him back and say I'm sorry for getting so mad, and then I feel like an idiot for letting myself get so upset and angry over something so dumb.

And that is how it is...all the time lately. Extreme pregnancy crazy moments. Please, please tell me I'm not the only one who gets this way!

{ Pregnancy Diary : 16 weeks }

A friend of mine chronicled her pregnancy week by week, and I always thought that was such a fun idea to look back on, so I'm doing the same!

• Tomorrow marks 16 weeks! I can't believe I've had this baby in me that long. Everyone is telling me to go to the mall and visit one of those fetal photo places to see if they can tell what I'm having, (since my doctor appointment isn't until October) but for right now, I'm ok with not knowing, even though I'm dying to decorate this nursery!  

• I'm finally starting to feel relief from the nausea! I went from feeling pukey 24-7, to now only a few hours a day, and my energy levels have shot way up! Thank you 2nd tri! 

• When did you first feel your baby move? I'm 99% sure I've felt the baby move a few times. I was at work the other day and it was a few hours after lunch, when I suddenly felt something weird deep inside my stomach...fluttery almost. I immediately paused what I was doing and of course, it went away. About 30 seconds later, I felt it again. It's the strangest feeling in the world! It stopped for a bit, so I pushed back, and then felt it again! It was amazing and so neat. I've felt it here and there since then, and I look forward to more movement and stronger pushes!

• My bladder has officially shrunk to the size of a pea- I have to go to the bathroom all the time! Oh, and I've learned to brace myself and squeeze my legs together when I sneeze so I don't pee a little (isn't it too early for that!?).  

• My doctor told me I probably have rhinitis of pregnancy, which explains why I feel congested all the time. The humidifier and saline spray helps, but it really hasn't been terrible- just a little uncomfortable, as I hate not being able to breathe through my nose and I sound so nasally.

•  I'm feeling moodier than ever these days (sorry honey) and find myself either totally irritable or weepy or super happy all the time. Those three emotions go in waves, and at all times, I feel totally out of control of them.

• A few people have told me to buy a body pillow for night time, and I'm starting to think I should. I worry about sleeping on my back, but my body just naturally wants to lay that way. We finally invested in a king size mattress (don't ask why we waited so long...it's mahvelous) but I still find myself tossing and turning at night. Oh, and my dreams keep getting crazier and crazier, but I'm okay with that...just not the tossing and turning. Suggestions??

• I crave skim milk and potatoes like crazy. Weird, right? Mashed potatoes, baked potatoes, boiled potatoes, etc. I gotta have 'em.